Midlife Crisis: “Sometimes we live no particular way but our own.”

Or perhaps I should write crises, because surely this isn’t my first. Maybe it will be my last. Either way, it will become increasingly more dishonest to call them midlife as my beard keeps getting grayer šŸ™‚

As this online journal is an attempt for me to process all my thinking and perhaps give a glimpse into depth of humanity, mine and yours, here’s an update on my happenings over the past month or so. Health-wise in particular.

I had what was likely a flare up of diverticulitis last May. Not fun, but relatively mild from what I read. I didn’t have to go to the doctor and didn’t take any antibiotics or anything, just changed up my diet for a bit and it subsided. I had hoped that was gonna be it. But… it wasn’t. I had another episode in the first few weeks in January. This time I did head to urgent care and got some antibiotics–the side effects of which were that it could make my tendons weak. Weird. This last flare up occurred during the week that my dad was fired from the college in town–I don’t even like to type it’s name. I’d rather say Voldemort. So yeah I was under a considerable amount of stress. My dad has been diagnosed and is battling cancer, he got fired, I was spending a ton of energy on Facebook raising awareness to the injustice done to him, we’re a year into this pandemic… you know… stress. It’s a real thing. Anyway. More on the issue at the end, but first, there are some positive things to come out of this episode.

I was already eating pretty healthily, but now even more so. I have a spinach, berry, pineapple, yogurt smoothie in the morning. Dark Chocolate (85% cacao) mid morning. Egg and cheese bagel with avocado for lunch–yeah I know the cholesterol in the eggs may not be the best thing. My afternoon smoothie consists of Ka’Chava protein full body meal powder superfood (Thanks Andrew and Jane for the tip on that), with frozen kale, more spinach, blueberries, organic almond butter, and sometimes the other half of the avocado. Supper is grilled organic chicken, sweet potato or baked, green peas, no sugar applesauce. Also, I drink all the water! And I have at least one green tea and one ginger tea through the day.

I’ve never been one to eat a lot of veggies, so I’m still trying to work on adding more of a variety of those into the mix, and also trying to eat a fish or so a week, but that’s tough too. Salmon is ok, but not nearly as good as chicken. Been thinking about getting into tuna though.

I’ve been exercising on the reg as well. I’m a peloton guy! I was off the bike for a spell while I recovered, but have recently gotten back on and try to ride every other day when possible. That junk makes me sweat so much. On the alternate days I have begun doing 100 pushups (up to doing 40 consecutively without stopping–which of course is what consecutively means), along with 4 sets of curls with 20lb dumbbells–15, 12, 10, 8 typically. Then I do the reverse tricep pushups that I learned from Ali back in the Pilates days, followed by crunches–I’m up to 25 now, but shew. On days when the sun is out and it isn’t freezing I also try to walk for at least 20 minutes. I’m down to 181lbs which is the slimmest I’ve been in many a year. Cutting out the beers also has helped of course. Haven’t had even a sip in 2021 so far.

In case you’re thinking none of this sounds like a midlife crisis, it’s important to know that I’ve also ordered some V-neck t-shirts and may have looked into waxing the hair off my chest. LOL. But then I read about how painful that is, and decided against that route. Nad’s though. Further, I am a month into a commitment to grow my hair out long enough for a ponytail. Gotta get some of that horse shampoo like we used to do back in the 90s. So yeah. MLC.

Since I had 2 episodes of the gut inflammation within a year, and I’m 43 and not 63, it was suggested that I book an appointment with the GI doc and likely get some imaging done. So that’s gonna happen at the end of March. The colonoscopy thing is recommended at 45 now anyway, so I imagine I will get the friendly camera work done a few years ahead of schedule. Joy.

I’m also going back–or trying to if they will ever call me to set it up–to the chiropractor and functional nutritionist in Charlotte, Dr. Ernst, whose plan and care helped bring healing to Sarah when the traditional medicinal routes weren’t able to. I’ll do some labs with them as well, and see what recommendations they have for optimal gut health.

What I really wish is that I could change the angle at which I approach these kinds of things. More positively instead of negatively. A better explanatory/interpretive style. I searched around for some positive thinking books on Amazon this morning and ordered a few from Martin Seligman–I teach him in AP Psych anyway, so might as well know his work. Of course, I’m looking for that magic formula that will transform my thinking. I’m just so dang quick to figure out the worst outcomes and then even transport myself into that imagined future and dwell there–even rehearsing conversations and reactions!

I wish I could approach from the positive side first. In Belief. In Faith. In Trust. I’m sure in part because I know that thinking that way is actually healthy. I’m such a twisted individual. I’ve always admired folks who pray for healing and that’s all they pray–no “but if not” kind of words. They pray in belief. But I know I’m not unique. I know that some people pray and they have all the faith and they still get sick. So I often hedge my bets–maintaining some level of hope but coming from the negative angle, so that hope isn’t dashed. I need more Ted Lasso, obviously.

Forgive my ramblings that verge on madness. I’m an ever wondering wanderer after all. Continuing to battle today. Continuing to dig in and see if I can’t find a bit more rest in Hope than I had yesterday. And when I fail at that digging in and trying again the next day. Wanting to live now. To enjoy the magic that I have now, and not squandering any of it away with some imagined outcome even if I experience reminders of such outcomes.

Thanks for reading. Tomorrow is about baptism. Monday about rituals. Tuesday about the identity and hopes of the Church of 6. Tell your friends. Leave a comment. šŸ™‚

Good things to come out of this episode.

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